Zen and Personal Mastery

As you can tell by my absence (if anyone noticed), I haven’t written much. Last year, the posts that made it were coaxed out of me by shear will.  This year, my interest in writing just collapsed, until lately.

I was doing a lot of travel for work during the last quarter and had a lot of time on my own. Travel like that provides hours for endless introspection (or Candy Crush – take your pick). I started asking myself, why? Why wasn’t I writing? Weren’t these trips perfectly in line with the vision and aspirations I had set for myself some time ago? Wasn’t I living and working BigLifeVision?

It was during these internal conversations that it occurred to me what was going on. I was not leading myself.

The 1st tenant of personal mastery, the thing that I believe in the most and teach most consistently, had been missing from my life.

Lead yourself before you can lead others.

And I, over the last 16 months, I had allowed the everyday circumstances of my life to determine how I felt. More honestly, I had allowed the everyday challenges to define who I was on that day. I lost sight of Kimberly.

As a result of this loss of personal leadership, I ended up feeling NOT like ME. Each day presented a challenge to show up like me, but I felt like I was faking it. I was imposter Kimberly. The results of this mindset was 20 pounds, resentment, anger, exhaustion and very likely, depression.

There wasn’t a moment that I awoke or an experience that snapped me out of it. Just an ah-ah moment followed by another and another. Then a shift of my daily focus. It was hard at first and each morning it gets a bit easier. I am working on leaving behind me the resentment and anger that would rear at the slightest personal injustice. I am working on finding my personal fitness and health again. I am working on choosing my focus.

I am working…

I’m not going to lie, some days are easier than others. But I choose to focus on what I can create vs. what is created for me. To do that….

I have to remember, the thing I focus on is the thing that will happen.

I have to remember, that I am in charge of how I respond

I have to remember, that I lead myself

And when I do these things I feel better. When I do these things I AM better. I feel like I am acting with greater integrity and honesty with myself and everyone else that I lead.

So welcome back to BigLifeVision. How have you been?