Porch Sitting, Wine drinking

Friday night, beautiful evening in Atlanta.  I am sitting on my large, old (circa 1920) porch.  There is a beautiful drizzle watering my rose bushes and tomato plants I put in the earth last weekend.  Boys from down the street are playing basketball on the hoop on the side of my house.  I have good music, sweet (but obnoxious) dogs, lovely wine and the evening ahead of me.  All of this makes me happy.

To some this may sound like the perfect evening and you would like to join me (please do) and for others it may seem like the kiss of death.  Or, perhaps, you are somewhere in between.  Whatever your preference, the key is knowing.

How much time have you spent on activities that aren’t feeding your soul?  Work? Personal? Both?

How much energy have you spent trying to fit into another persons idea?

How many things a week do you do out of custom or obligation even though it doesn’t quiet align to your vision?

What do you want to do?

Can you answer that with precision and clarity?  Can you explain yourself? Can you explain to it to someone you care about without being defensive or feeling guilty?

If yes, good for you…feel free to move along…#gotvision, #gotPersonalMastery

If no, why not?

We spend a lot of time working to fit into an image, or others plans, or fill a role that someone told us to play, even though it doesn’t feel right.

These behaviors are largely driven by custom and obligation or fear…

Custom, obligation and fear can show up in LOTS of interesting ways.  As simple as staying in on a Friday when you really want to go out or as complex as marrying and living a mile away from your parents in a house that looks just like theirs.  Let me be clear – neither of these choices is bad IF ITS YOUR CHOICE.  But if your preference is to go out as many Fridays as possible and live in city far away from where you grew up and you’re not, why not???

For me, it took me awhile to recognize that I was making choices based on others people’s happiness or their vision for me.  I had to stop, ask myself “what do I want?” and then take the time and the courage to live the answer.

Personal Mastery is the convergence of knowing who you are (self knowledge)  and where you want to go (vision). I don’t just mean tonight, I mean every night.

Sometimes asking these questions is the hardest part.  Sometimes honoring the answer is even harder… But you have to start somewhere.

Where ever you are start here!

Start by asking yourself:  Of all the things I did today, what made me the happiness?

Then: spend 5 minutes at the end of each day making two lists:

1) Things that were rewarding, fun and fulfilling to me

2) Things that were draining, miserable and debilitating to me

An important point here, sometimes we are doing things that we might put into the “draining” category but we are doing them because they are part of the “rewarding” category in terms of relationships or long term goals (think ailing parents, sick kids, budgeting at work).  If you can, focus on the foundation of the action (the why you are doing it) more than the act it self.  For example, I would put budgeting at work in my category #2 except it is an important part of leading a team of professionals, I know and understand the strategy and our team goals and want to ensure we have the resources to accomplish our goals, so I would put it into category #1. Hope that example helps with a little clarity

To help you track,click here to find a My Week_ Vision Worksheet

It’s an important first step..

When you are done – come back, ask some questions or post a comment and we’ll continue to explore what’s next.

As for me, tonight, if I had my way I would have at least 4 others on the porch with me enjoying the rain, rose bushes, dogs, music and wine.

BUT part of personal mastery is honoring the relationships that are important to you and working to find the balance of it all.

So for tonight, from my porch, Salúd…