I find myself, exactly 12 months from my first ED visit, in a familiar room with a familiar view in a familiar hospital with very familiar problems.
About 4 days ago I began to feel pain in both eyes and noticed some diminishing sight in my left eye, my good eye. They tell you to give it a few days before reacting and I really didn’t want it to be real. But 4 days in I knew it was real, so did my team of specalists and they admitted me almost immediately.
Dr. Newman, known in my head for her transparent and honest assessment of the situation, walked up, patted me on the shoulder and once again summarized like the expert she is.
shit, shit, shit!
Dr. Nancy Newman
What does this all mean? I’m not really sure. It’s a setback, for sure, here is what I’m spinning on:
- The current protocol isn’t work, so we’re trying something new.
- The disease is so young, it’s all test and speculation.
- I hate being here at Emory again, but it’s not as bad as blindness.
- I’m discouraged but not as afraid as I was 12 months ago. There is some comfort knowing the devil’s name.
On the upside, two of my nurses have treated me before. Comfort can be found in familiar faces. In fact, Sophie, who was with me almost entirely through the first hospitalization last June, walked into my room today and I was so happy to see her. One, she’s a great nurse. Two, it gave me the opportunity to thank her, to tell her how much I have thought of her in the last year. She saw me through some dark and scary days. I’ve wondered about her health and things she shared with me, I got to learn how she’s doing. Somedays it’s the small things that bring joy.
Tonight, Andy and I celebrate our 4-year wedding anniversary. Instead of going to a Michelin star restaurant, we’re getting take-out and gratefully he’s visiting me here. That also makes me really thankful for science, vaccines and the good people who have gotten the shots. Let me tell you, it makes a big difference.
As we eat our takeout and hold hands in a hospital we are back at the start of the circle from one year ago today. We know a lot more and we know that there is a lot of uncertainty. Most importantly we have each other. I am reminded by our vows, which also started today, 4 years ago.
I give you my hand and my heart. I promise to be your lover and your friend. To be your partner in the spectacular and the mundane. I promise to love, care and treasure you in health and in sickness and through sorrow and success.
US
So the full circle I’m going to focus on is what I have, what we have. I will work to put my energy towards the love and wonder this day has brought. I will focus on living my #biglifevision, no matter where.
What will you focus on?
Cheers and santé!
We love you both, we love your strength, you are a warrior and an inspiration to us on how to live this messy thing called life ❤ B, P & I
Dear Kimberly, Life does truly put you into new and unwanted circomstances. Hold tight to Andy and your doctors. Together with them you will beat the devil.
Love, Anders
Shit, shit, shit!
Love, love, love!
I am using my energy to pull some of the shit away from you and joyfully join you in celebrating the love that surrounds you.
Hugs and all good vibes