And the World Stopped….

Where is everyone? Has the World Stopped?

Loss is hard. Loss of a job, a divorce, the death of a parent, the loss of a child, the passing of a sibling, and on and on and on.  For me, and for most people I know, loss is like the world stopping. BOOM.

Sometimes you can see your world slowing, you know it’s coming. Other times, it just stops. But either way, the world stops spinning. In that moment, everything changes.

Your family, friends, loved ones try to stop their world for a moment to be a support to you. They spend time with you, send cards, messages, flowers. They attempt to share in your grief and try to move you through yours as best they know how. But, when the crisis is over, the event is starting to appear in the past, you realize that you are alone and you’re sitting there, feeling wounded, wondering why everyone else gets to keep moving, wondering where they have gone, and feeling…

Slowly your world starts to move again. Maybe, you think, it’ll get back to normal (whatever that means). Maybe you’ll catch up with your friends and family whose world kept moving. Maybe they’ll turn around and wait for you. Slowly you realize that, YES, your world is spinning again, BUT it’s not the same. It will never be the same. The loss has tilted your world.

As your world starts to spin again perhaps the shock, denial are starting to pass. But so much is left to manage through.  Pain, Guilt, Anger and Bargaining are difficult to move through, especially with a surprising, early or tragic loss. There are no answers to questions like: Whose fault is it? Where were they when? Why didn’t I? Why didn’t they?….

Depression, reflection and loneliness leave you wondering why no one else feels the same as you do. Why don’t they understand you? Why don’t they call you? Don’t they know you need them? For some, including me, I tuck in my head and “turtle” while wondering why no one is reaching out. Fair? No.

As I’ve managed through my own losses this year, I have come to understand relationships and loss like tilted worlds, and it is helping me. Life is spinning, differently, but only I know how differently. We each manage loss in our own way. It’s our world that stopped, so it’s ours to start spinning again and try to bring

back into focus. It’s no one’s fault. No one can totally understand and do the exactly right thing. And no one can get your world spinning again for you.

There is no doing this well, there is only doing it. Working through it, honoring the new tilt of life and trying to

find where it fits in the world. Learning that on this newly tiled world you can live and there is much to forgive, celebrate, and love. And it’s up to me to invite my loved ones, my family, my friends and colleagues onto my newly minted, tilted, spinning world.

For those of you managing through similar things, you have to create on your newly spinning, tilted world. What will you do with it? What is your vision?